Of choice and unconditionality: to forgive God
by Agustina Kazuyo
Summary: What is free will? Who deserves forgiveness? Is paradise eternal, unconditional love? A Seraph has been tasked with annihilating a particularly harmful lesser demon, but something makes her halt. WARNINGS: mentions of torture, religious sensitivity, NOT SPOILER FREE (707 route)


**Of choice and unconditionality: to forgive God**

A demon can always feel an angel.

An angel can always feel a demon.

It was the mission of the Blessed ones to rescue their Fallen Brethren.

It was the pleasure of the Damned to lure them into the darkest pit of despair.

Angels were truly easy to corrupt. Simply threatening to bring harm to mankind was more than enough to break the Kin of the first Four Spheres, even if it took a bit of extra coaxing.

Yet, if there was something a demon should rightly fear, was the superior Kin. Seventh, Eighth, Ninth? Nobody had Fallen from there except Lucifer himself and a handful of others that formed the First Hierarchy.

Sixth Sphere? Hard. Hard, but possible. Hells _rejoiced_ when a soul plummeted from that height.

Fifth, however…

Fifth was a… _tricky_ Sphere.

It had happened, of course, but by Belphegor's balls, _nobody_ wanted to entangle with an angel born in the Fifth Sphere.

Why? Well, because angels were all the same. They were made of the purest love, martyrdom, and benevolence.

All the same in their proceeding, all willing to let themselves be used and discarded by the Force of Creation. Some were not so easy to manipulate, but overall, this was and had always been a one sided fight. Nobody knows how to turn the other cheek better than an angel.

 _Except_ when it came to those in the Fifth Sphere.

The fuckers had a dogma and they _stuck_ to it. Yeah, you might eventually succeed or fail in swaying angels out of their unconditional love for the Almighty, but in the meanwhile a battle of wits and eloquence took place. Threats, persuasion, trickery, seduction, promises, temptation, it was all nice and common, the only ones that could really get hurt were the humans.

 _Except when it came to those in the Fifth Sphere._

The fight was _literal_ there, and trust the ashes of the Forgotten to tell you the Fifth Sphere _excels_ at hunting and obliterating the Fallen.

It was fucking _carnage_.

While the superior Triad could purify the lesser demonic soul in an instant, the Fifth Sphere was brutal. Run, hide, it doesn't matter. Sooner or later their burning swords will be falling upon your neck if you've pissed one badly enough.

It was perhaps what kept the Hells from going rampant, the threat of _their_ retaliation.

They didn't call them the Celestial Hounds for nothing.

The worst thing was that they didn't have a superior other than The One Above All, and the Lord works in mysterious ways, doesn't He?

All the other Spheres knew mercy and compassion. The Fifth did too, really. Except they expressed their clemency through… well, utter and final obliteration.

What a scary thing was to _truly_ Die.

Human death was barely a change of clothes. Take a stroll around Purgatory, come out Blessed or Fallen. Attempt to recruit the others to your side. Keep them from luring you in. Fail or succeed. A tug of war of love and hate. Thus was eternity.

Or so it is until a demon threatens an angel of the Sixth Sphere with a plague that should befall a portion of mankind should the angel refuse Demise. Either if the angel Falls or lets the plague consume unknowing humans, it doesn't matter. A Fifth Born now is on the demon's tail.

You push too far, the Hounds are onto you.

Fight back, for all the good it'll do. Their wings are dark and large, they fly faster than any other member of the Kin, and they fear no final Death, no pain. Nothing.

Once. _Once_ a Fifth Born was defeated, and what a _sight_ it was.

It challenged Leviathan, master of a Seventh of All Miseries. And the fight shook the very foundation of Earth.

But before Falling, Leviathan had been an Eighth Born. He had been Kin to Peter and John, to The Mother, to Adam and Abel.

And still the Fifth Born held its ground for longer than time could express.

Despite failing, it sent a message, loud and clear.

You cannot escape the Hounds.

If The One unleashes _two_ of us upon Lucifer _himself_ , he _will_ fall.

And we are many.

We are many more than you can escape from.

All demon Kin refused to acknowledge the fact that they lived and thrived because The Almighty _allowed it_. Because the Hounds were patiently watching them play around, waiting to be released. When The One Above All considered they were beyond redemption, it was over.

Lucifer wandered Earth with a gentle smile, bemused and almost nostalgic; knowing The Father still thought there was hope for him.

 _And He said, Let there be light: and there were also shadows._

* * *

In the Fifth Sphere, Michaela's form becomes tangible and fearsome, light twisting into shapes of life, curves and angles, bones and flesh. Her long hair whips in the heavenly wind and her massive brown wings bend together to cast a cross shaped shadow.

She has found a Malakhim has been pushing far enough. He has been given enough chances.

And it is time to end it.

She flies to the presence of The One, as close as she can get, to where His Might burns and blinds.

"Father, if Your will permits it, I shall proceed. There is one that must be stopped. Your children have suffered enough in his name. May Your light shine upon his spirit before my arrival."

And with that, she is gone.

* * *

Once, her spirit was tied to a body. Once, she too had been human.

Those days had been left behind before Time enveloped Creation. Her entire existence had been at the service of the Almighty since before the dawn of mankind. She was one of His fiercest exterminators.

In a twirl of violent winds and dark brown feathers, she landed amongst humans, who could not see her or feel her.

She walked the length of the road, and by its end, felt a tug.

A small, gentle tug.

 _An angel can always feel a demon._

Before a fraction of a second had passed, she leaped into the air and dashed to where the insistent tugging took her. Like a call.

Michaela had taken to the skies a long… long time ago.

Many, perhaps too many, demons had met their final Death by the end of her sword during these eons.

The trees split to let her through.

 _Did she have doubts? Did she question the Father?_

She was a dash against the white-blue sky.

 _Of course, and proudly. Blind obedience could be twisted either way, but critical thought, acceptance, and faith was the foundation of the truest of loves._

The winds enveloped her as she descended upon a clearing, where a demon lay gazing into the clouds, sitting with his back against a tree.

 _Was she tempted to taste Damnation?_

The demon glanced her way, unmoving.

 _Every single day._

Michaela's grey eyes remained on the demon as she walked towards him, the divine Flame roaring to life in the grasp of her fingers.

He wasn't talking, or reacting. It was not the first time, though. Repentance, false as it may be, sometimes could only reach a creature in its final moments. But some would face their actions head on, resigned to the consequences of their doings.

It would not be the first time Michaela took the life of a paralyzed demon.

Towering over him, the Fire of His Holy Wrath tight between her fingers, she muttered a prayer for the foregone soul and set herself to attack.

He didn't flinch. Motionless and unfazed, he watched her dash.

Still he tilted his head, and then…

"What a beautiful woman you must have been in life."

His voice, especially his choice of words, made her hesitate.

The demon's eyes lazily returned to the sky.

Michaela halted at the sight of those orbs.

They were so… tired.

So lifeless. So resigned.

She lowered her hand.

"Such a human thing to say," she answered, her voice tight and clipped.

"Truly. Old habits die hard."

"Old? Stand, Lost one."

The command of her voice could never be refused, and soon, tiredly, the demon was on his feet.

"Spread your wings for me."

The pristine white feathers ruffled with a shake.

"Such a young Malakhim. Such monstrosity you are. In a mere lustrum you have ripped yourself so far away from The Father's Grace that you deserve nothing but the peace of my sword. I must say, that I am even impressed."

"Do what you came to do, inquisitor. Be fast."

Michaela indulged herself in the fruit of knowledge.

Knowledge and discernment were valuable in her mission. Understand the enemy to rid the world of it sooner and better.

It was still dangerous terrain, though.

"Do you comprehend what will befall you?"

"Yes."

"You want it."

"Yes."

"Were you suicidal in life?"

"Yes."

"So was I."

"Don't all suicides belong to Damnation?"

"Only if we wish to."

The Fallen one narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. He smirked and his voice turned soft and amused. "You are trying to seduce me!"

"Believe me, it gives me no pleasure to bring final Death to an existence, especially one as young as yours."

"Time means nothing to a Seraph."

"You are more human than Kin."

"Don't you have a mission, Hound? You were not sent here to talk."

"Wasn't I? I _was_ sent here. I was just _sent_ here. Doesn't He-?"

"If you say 'work in mysterious ways' I swear I'm gonna vomit."

She _chuckles_.

"Do you find Heresy entertaining?"

"As I said, you are more human than Kin."

"You see me as a child."

"Yes. And your ignorance is easy to dismiss and forgive. You mock Him because you haven't bathed in His Light… Don't you wish to see it, Malakhim? If you carve for Oblivion afterwards I can still provide. But don't you wish to _feel it_ at least once?"

The demon smiled slowly.

"Do what you came to do."

She answered his smile with a saddened shake of her head.

"Such a youth. May you find peace in eternal Silence."

She lifted her sword once more.

"SERAPH!"

A new form plummeted from the heights, all white feathers, lithe and shaking.

It kneeled before her in a gesture so pagan it as painful to watch. Hands latched to her ankles.

"MERCY! HAVE MERCY! I BEG OF YOU!"

An angel.

Wings beat and the demon fled.

She groaned.

No matter. Within the span of an instant she could be by his side again.

Michaela stared down the Malakhim that supplicated at her feet.

"Stand."

The other did, with raw tears falling down his cheeks.

"Who are you?"

"I'm no one! I'm nothing! I'm an undeserving failure that will take his place if his crimes have been too many. Take my life. Take _my_ life, please, but spare him!"

"Better spare _me_ and simply tell me who you are and what you want. What's your name?"

"L-Luciel. My name is Luciel."

"And what is your relation to that Fallen one?"

"He… He was my only brother. Before, when we were human."

" _Ah_ … I see now. What is his name?"

"He has none."

She clicked her tongue. "Nonsense. He has taken a form, and for that, he requires a name."

"If he has one, he hasn't said it out loud to anyone."

"You are trying to save him."

"Yes… Yes, I am."

"Such a human attachment. I am surprised you haven't followed him. Why is that?"

"If I Fall, there will be no hope left for him."

"So you stand firm through altruism. Respectable, albeit questionable. Luciel, know that the crimes your brother has committed cannot be forgiven because he does not _want them_ to be forgiven."

"He does! He does, of course he does. You just… You have to understand, he rejected Purgatory. There's so much pain inside of him. He needs time. Give me time. I can heal him. I can help him."

She shook her head with sadness and grasped the other's shoulder.

"Luciel, you cannot heal the Fallen. They are the only ones that can save themselves. You must learn to let go of this attachment. Love him still, and rejoice in the knowledge that in true Death he will bring no more harm."

The male looked as if he had just been burned.

"How can you ask that of me…! I failed him in life and I refuse to fail him again. Please. Please, you are ancient. For you, time is meaningless. Please, just give me some _time_."

She tilted her head. "He will bring pain upon mankind."

"Not while I chase him. He escapes me. If I'm constantly chasing him, he can't stop to hurt anyone!"

Her eyes softened. "You are going to lose track of him. Eventually you won't feel him anymore."

"It's true that unlike you I can't feel all demons wherever they are. But… But I have to try."

Michaela remained silent.

"Please, _please_ let me _try_ to save him."

She sighed.

"Goodness, who let the two of you out of Purgatory…?"

Luciel laughed and hugged her tightly. "Thank you! Thank you! I'll try to follow him now. I promise he can be saved. Thank you!"

The angel took flight and Michaela rubbed her eyes.

Was she doing the right thing?

Something deep in her heart told her to have faith.

* * *

For her, that had lived through ages of nature and man, time was such a _relative_ concept.

She knew how long had it been since encountering that Damned, but for her it felt like mere moments, while entire generations of Earthly beings thrived and died in the same span of time.

 _How long is long enough_?

She had promised Luciel _time_ , but how much time is too much time when time is meaningless?

She sang her praise as her spirit was set on fire and, oh, how beautiful it was to Worship.

Worship in all things. Worship in your thoughts and in your actions.

She decided enough time had passed when Luciel finally lost track of his brother.

She descended upon Earth, knowing exactly where the demon was.

She found him waiting, sitting on the roof of a collapsed house.

He turned to her once more, his empty eyes finding hers and then returning to the clouds.

"For one so adamant on rejecting salvation, you sure spend much of your time glancing towards the Heavens."

"Not heaven. The sky."

"You stare into eternity. Into infinity. There is nothing more Heavenly than that."

"I stopped caring for what's beyond the sky."

"It has not stopped caring for you."

The smile stretched upon his lips again. " _Such a shameless flirt, Seraph…_!"

"Your brother thinks you can be saved, and frankly so do I. Make no mistake, since times before Thought I have been hunting the Fallen Brethren and this is the _first time_ I am unleashed upon one and found it worthy of a second chance. But Luciel has lost track of you, and so I've come. To bring you redemption or Death. It's your choice."

The demon stood and walked towards her. "Do you remember what it was like to be human?"

She tilted her head.

"Yes."

"Do you remember what it felt to have flesh and bone? To cry, to sleep, to starve?"

"Yes."

"Come with me."

The demon hopped off the roof and entered the house.

Michaela followed suit. The insides were dark but she could see every detail.

The Fallen one was already waiting, his form solidified, human by all standards except for his alleged immortality.

He turned around, gentle green eyes searching the darkness.

"Manifest. I can still sense you but I wish to talk to you, and I can't hear you if you don't take human form."

The demon waited for a long moment, thinking that perhaps she would refuse. But eventually in the dimness flesh coated bone and six dark wings were left behind.

Michaela glanced at him without a word.

He chuckled.

"What is it, Malakhim?"

"You're shorter than me."

"If so I wish."

"Was this how you looked before Ascending?"

"I don't know. I never saw my reflection back when I had my body."

"And whose body is this?"

"Of a young woman with a pure soul that once invoked me."

"Have you been working miracles, Seraph?"

"Only when it's prudent."

He walked closer and took a strand of her long brown hair between his fingers.

"I like it. It suits you."

"Why did you make me take this form?"

"Because I want you to remember what it was like to be human. To feel pain and joy."

He turned and opened a door. A boarded window barely let light penetrate the darkness. There were two mattresses on the floor, a closet, a bucket.

Shackles.

"What is this place?" She asked, carefully.

"Home… This… This piece of _shit_ … Is _home_."

"Is this where you died?"

"No. I grew up here. My brother, the angel you saw, we were twins. He abandoned me. My mother, if you could call it that, held me here. Tortured me. Year after year after year. And I was alone…"

"Physical pain-"

" _Physical_ pain!" He snapped. "Do you think I ever cared about the _physical_ pain? That passing thing!? No. No, even animals can forget the ache of the body. Do you want to know what I felt in here?"

She said nothing.

His fists tightened.

Tears began to fall.

He shook, teeth clenched.

"Love."

Michaela frowned.

"I felt _so much love_ in here. There was _nothing_ but love. For my brother, for my life, for my _mother_. Can you imagine that? I _loved_ my mother. _I_ _still love my mother_. The creature that brought torment and agony over me. I _love_ her… It was unconditional love… It was the purest love. The love of a child."

She walked closer but didn't touch him.

He wiped the tears that kept falling with the heel of his hands. "I waited and I loved. I wanted to die. Then there was hate. Endless hate. And then there was silence… Purgatory was silent… Do you know what they offered me? They offered me His Eternal Love. Do you know what I did? I laughed. Eternal, unconditional love had been nothing but _poison_ for me."

He turned to her.

"I don't blame Him for abandoning me. I don't even care that He let it happen… But to keep on loving Him eternally…? It's monstrous. It's monstrous and cruel and unforgivable. Then, I am Fallen. Then, I want Death."

Her gaze softened.

"You did all those things just to bring me to you. You _wanted_ to be hunted down."

He nodded in defeat.

She reached up and cupped his face with both hands, her thumbs softly brushing his wet cheekbones.

"I won't bring Death to you."

He opened his eyes, holding her wrists in his grasp, and pleaded with a grief so deep it broke Michaela's heart.

"Please… give me peace…"

"Death won't free you."

"Nothing else can."

"Yes it can. _I_ can."

He shook his head.

"You don't even know what you're talking about."

"I will give you the choice. I will give you the choice and through your free will you will be healed… I will stay with you… I will stay with you as you mend yourself… Luciel was right… You _can_ be saved. You _deserve_ to be saved."

He kept on shaking his head but now his shoulders were also trembling. He broke in a chuckle that became louder and louder. He leaned forward, his forehead touching hers as he laughed, madness spilling from the sound like _venom_.

"You innocent _fool_! Do you want me to love _you_ , you miserable creature? Meaningless _pawn_? Do you think loving you by _choice_ will erase the demand of your Lord!? Stay. Stay, by all means. I will twist you. I will reshape you. And when you have finally Fallen they will send another. They will send one that will give me what I want. Stay and love me, stay and love me, stay and love me and I will _destroy you_ …"

Michaela held him tenderly for in his mirth, he was still weeping.

Thus was eternity.

A tug of war of love and hate.

He welcomed her, for what was an angel but a demon waiting to be corrupted?

She stayed… for what was a demon but an angel waiting to be saved?


End file.
